Strawberry Pocky: Hiro's Diary
by Stepher-chan39
Summary: ShuichixHiro... What's going on in Hiro's mind...
1. Days 1 and 2

**Strawberry Pocky: Hiro's Diary**

**Warnings: **Shonen-ai, suicidal thoughts and actions (later on), yaoi, lovesickness, OOCness

**Rating: **Right now, PG rating may be raised

**A/N:** This is my first Gravitation fanfic, so bare with me if it's bad... And my chapters are gonna be really short (sorry)

**Disclaimer: **I do NOT own Gravitation; sadly it belongs to Murakami Maki. If I did own Gravitation..............................

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**Days 1 and 2:**

**9/25/04**

_I watch him sing, the way I always do. My best friend since forever, when did it turn to love? He makes me lose all my senses, his big, shining purple eyes, and bubble gum pink hair, it's almost like a dream. I wonder what he'll think if I tell him... Maybe I'll tell him someday. But what if he doesn't love me back? I mean we're living together, so it would be weird if I told him and he didn't love me back. What then? I don't know if I could take it. How could I go on living, not only with him, but just living period. I don't know how much longer I can go on without telling him_.

**9/26/04**

_Today I have decided that I will tell him on October 1st, only four more days. Four more days of this torture. I think I can handle it._

_We finished our new song! It's called Spicy Marmalade. It didn't take us that long this time! Only a week or two, our last song took almost two months! We're back on track! It's all thanks to Shu-chan! Oh, Shu-chan, just four more days until u know, only four. How will you respond? I wonder... What if you reject me? I'd be devastated. I don't think its good for me to keep all of this locked inside. _


	2. Days 3 thru 6

**Strawberry Pocky: Hiro's Diary**

**Warnings: **Shonen-ai, suicidal thoughts and actions, lovesickness, OOCness, cursing

**Rating: **R...

**A/N:** This is my first Gravitation fanfic, so bare with me if it's bad... And my chapters are gonna be really short (sorry) But I'm trying to make them longer

**Disclaimer: **I do NOT own Gravitation; sadly it belongs to Murakami Maki. If I did own Gravitation.............................. the world would probably end...

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**Days 3-6**

**9/27/04**

_Damn! I don't know how much longer I can wait only three more days, but I can't wait that long... I'm going to tell him tomorrow. I'm sorry Shu-chan if I ruin everything for you, but I just have to let you know. Not much else to say except, I love you Shu-chan._

**9/28/04**

_It is now 9:39 at night and Shu-chan went out for a walk. I told him and he had no reaction at all what-so-ever. Than he wouldn't keep his mind on practicing. So, we called it quits for the day. I wonder if he's coming home tonight, or if he'll stay at Ryuichi's place. I hope he comes home, I miss him. How does he feel about me? Does he feel anything at all? _

_I started slitting my wrists yesterday. I don't know what else to do. It helps me; it takes my mind off of the world and any problems with Shu-chan. But you see, I have to hide it, it feels so good, I don't know if I could stop, even for Shu-chan._

**9/29/04**

**crying**

_Shu-chan didn't come home last night. He did what I feared most, he turned me down. I don't know what to do. He told me that he loves Ryuichi and that he's moving in with him. Now I'm alone and heartbroken. Could it be any worse?_

_Fuck this, where's my knife? 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14... I keep cutting until my arm is covered in blood. What would happen if I cut deeper? What if I died? Would Shu-chan care than?_

**9/30/04**

_I woke up this morning expecting to see Shu-chan's smiling face, but instead all I saw was the ceiling. Shit! My arm hurts from yesterday, and I got blood on my only clean pair of pants. What am I supposed to tell everyone, that I got a bad paper cut? They're all idiots, they'll probably believe me. Maybe I should just call in sick..._

_**Later the same day...**_

_Shu-chan came over today, I thought it was maybe to see how I was doing, or apologize, but it was just to get the rest of his stuff and give me the extra key. I told him I didn't know if I wanted to play for Bad Luck anymore, and he told that he understood why. I don't want to lose him as a friend, but that seems to be happening too. I don't know what to do, should I just quit Bad Luck and move on, without Shu-chan? Or should I just pretend everything is fine and go on with my life as it is? Shu-chan why don't you love me? _


	3. Days 7 thru 10

**Strawberry Pocky: Hiro's Diary**

**Warnings: **Shonen-ai, suicidal thoughts and actions, lovesickness, OOCness, cursing

**Rating: **R...

**A/N:** This is my first Gravitation fanfic, so bare with me if it's bad... And my chapters are gonna be really short (sorry) But I'm trying to make them longer, and all new ShuxHiro fics that are up have the same idea! I'm so pissed!

**Disclaimer: **I do NOT own Gravitation; sadly it belongs to Murakami Maki. If I did own Gravitation.............................. the world would probably end...

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**Days 7-10**

**10/1/04**

_It's finally October 1st, the day that I was supposed to tell Shu-chan, not 2 days ago. I don't know... I think I'll play for Bad Luck for a while to see how everything goes, and if it's the same as always than I'll keep playing, if not, than maybe I'll move to America and start a solo career as a guitarist. Just start over as a new person. Forget my old life and move on. I don't get it, how could he turn me down? I thought I had everything, looks, fame, money, but you know, I would give it all up just for Shu-chan._

**10/2/04**

Today I finally went back to work. I had to, K was threatening to shoot us all if we didn't get out act together. So, I went back to work, it was the same as always, except Shu-chan kept trying to ignore me. It didn't work, cause K kept talking to us like we were best friends. So, naturally, we ended up talking again. But, I don't think our friendship will ever be the same. Dammit! Years of trust all to be given up in a matter of seconds.

Now I'm home and it's about 8:55. I counted the scars on my arm, and there's already 23. 23 scars in 2 or 3 days. What do I do if people see my arm? What if Shu-chan sees it? I can't lie, he'll know. Maybe other people will believe my lies, but Shu-chan won't. He can see right through me.

**10/3/04**

Just as I said yesterday, Shu-chan saw my arm. I had to tell him the truth. So now he knows that it's his fault if I bleed to death. I think he was horrified, like completely. He started crying, but than again, that's just Shu-chan. I felt so bad for making him cry. I don't wanna do it again, so I went out and brought all long sleeve shirts. Now no one will see. No more making Shu-chan cry, I don't think I could take it if I did it again.

**10/4/04**

I don't get why Shu-chan keeps eyeing me oddly. I don't think I'll really kill myself, at least not yet. Why must everything bad happen to us Bad Luck? Our band name kinda makes sense. Our band name makes sense. It's the only thing that does make sense in this world. But, I've decided to give up on Shu-chan. I don't think I'll ever be able to get Shu-chan the way I want to. So, now I want.

Come to think of it, K has been eyeing me lately. I'll probably pick K. But what about when K sees my arm? What will he say? I definitely don't want to get shot by an American. But, come to think of it, K does have really nice, blue eyes. You could get lost in them. I think I'll go for K! We both have long hair after all. I'll just have to talk to Shu-chan about why he thinks I'm so weird for cutting myself. Well, time for work!


End file.
